A Lil BUMP For Your Slump – iPod Wednesday

Oh no, not again… it’s hump day and you’ve got a case of the mid-week slumps. We know the feeling… Friday seems so far away yet it feels like it was ages ago that you woke up Monday morning! We’re here to provide you with a little bump to get through your mid-week slump. So crank up your stereo on your lunch break and take a moment to breathe. Why wish your life away and yearn for Friday when you can relax and enjoy this moment? Here’s what’s playing on my iPod. Enjoy!

Kind of in Love – The Avett Brothers

Stand By Me – Playing for Change

Mama’s Song – Carrie Underwood

Call and Return – Hellogoodbye

King Without A Crown – Matisyahu

This Could Be Love – Alkaline Trio

Everything – Alanis Morissette

About Mr. Brown (Live) – O.A.R.

Do You Realize – The Flaming Lips

5 Years Time – Noah and the Whale

Mansard Roof – Vampire Weekend

Fishing in the Dark – Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

Almost Lover – A Fine Frenzy

Video – India.Arie

Blue Foundation – Eyes on Fire

A Lonely Kind of Heart

It’s hard to be single when all of your friends have boyfriends.  It’s hard to be single after having somebody by your side for three years.  It’s hard to be single when you live alone and don’t have roommates around to keep you company.  Most of all, it’s hard to be single when you’re scared that you’re never going to find anybody else that you love quite the same way that you loved someone else before.

I keep telling myself that this is the time to enjoy being single, that hopefully the next guy I meet will be the one that I spend the rest of my life with and when that time comes, my days of only worrying about myself will be over forever.  I tell myself to concentrate on me, enjoy the days of taking care of myself and myself only, especially after three long and trying years of worrying about my ex-boyfriend constantly.  I tell myself that this is the time you deserve to concentrate on you.

So why do I feel lonely when I come home at night and there’s nobody there anymore to kiss me hello?  Why do my weekends feel worthless having nobody to share them with?  Why do I become depressed when I fall into bed at the end of the day and there’s nobody there to kiss me goodnight?

I miss the comfort.  I miss the excitement.  I miss having someone to look forward to seeing, having someone to miss.  I miss the snugness of cuddling up with a warm, familiar body.  I miss cooking dinner together at night, and having someone always by my side when we’re out with friends at the bar to grab my hand and reassure me that he is there.  I miss the laughs, and the comfort of being 100% myself around somebody with no worries that they will love me any less.  I miss the phone calls and text messages, I miss the comfort of knowing somebody like the back of my hand and being able to predict what they are going to say or do next.  I miss the passion and the emotions and the fighting and the tears and the making up and the  l o v i n g  e a c h o t h e r.

I’ve had it before.  I’ll have it again.  But I worry that it won’t be the same, that the next guy will always be in comparison of my ex-boyfriend, who as much as I wish I could say I’m 100% over, I’m not.  He wasn’t right for me in so many ways, but I can’t help but remember all the ways that he was.  I’m moving on, I’m thinking realistically, I know we were not meant to be, but I miss him sometimes.  I do.  And while I know that it’s naive and immature for me to think this, I worry that I’m never going to find anybody else that will make me feel the way that he did. 

I try so hard to be strong, to put on a brave face.  Inside, I’m lonely.  And I’m scared.

Dear Suite, You’re pretty sour.

Can we talk about Suite for a moment?

You know, the grimy, rave-like, guido infested club at the Epicenter?

Barf.

I’ve been to Suite three times in the past year or so, none of these times being my own personal choice.  I’m the type of gal that enjoys low key bars such as Braswells, Ed’s Tavern, Thomas Street Tavern, etc., so needless to say, Suite is not really my scene.  The first time I went, my friend rented a VIP table outside for her birthday, so I didn’t notice the douchy-ness that was happening inside.  The second time I went, it was NYE 2009 and I was surrounded by tons of my closest friends and boyfriend of the time, so I didn’t so much care about my surroundings as much as the people I was with.  However, this past weekend I was boyfriend-free and on the prowl, and the plethora of greasy losers bordering the wall was painfully obvious.

To put it simply, I felt like I had suddenly materialized onto the set of Jersey Shore.  Looking around, I failed to find one single male that attracted me.  They all stood sleazy-like with their button down shirts and greasy hair.  Their eyes trailed the half-naked girls with fake eyelashes the size of my hand and enough hairspray to chemically murder someone.  The worst part of it all was the go-go dancers slutting it up on top of the makeshift “stage” to the horrendous string of remixed pop radio. 

If that’s your scene, neat.  But prepare for an anxiety attack when you get smushed against a wall and you can’t breathe because of the throngs of scantily clad attention whores grinding in front of your face.

Oh, but they do have super hot bartenders.

A Lil BUMP For Your Slump – iPod Wednesday

Oh no, not again… it’s hump day and you’ve got a case of the mid-week slumps. We know the feeling… Friday seems so far away yet it feels like it was ages ago that you woke up Monday morning! We’re here to provide you with a little bump to get through your mid-week slump. So crank up your stereo on your lunch break and take a moment to breathe. Why wish your life away and yearn for Friday when you can relax and enjoy this moment? Here’s what’s playing on my iPod. Enjoy!

Let’s Go – Cartel

Warwick Avenue – Duffy

Live Like You’re Dying – Kris Allen

Two is Better Than One – Boy’s Like Girls

Alejandro – Lady Gaga

I Will Follow You into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie

Chicken Fried – Zac Brown Band

We Danced Anyway – Deana Carter

Stars and Boulevards – Augustana

Retrograde – Cartel

Bulletproof – La Roux

Secrets – Maroon 5

Butterfly – Jason Mraz

A Sliver of Hope

My daily Note from the Universe woke me up this morning as it hit my inbox on my Blackberry.  I read it and knew it was going to be a good day.

The BIG THING, Michelle, rarely happens when you ask for it, nor does it typically come from who or where you expect.  It usually comes a bit later, from someone you didn’t even know when you first asked, as a result of some weird turn of events that were impossible to foresee.

So, chill.  Be patient.  Enjoy the moment.  And let your friends, employers, and partners off the hook.  Besides, they’re going to have enough to deal with when the BIG THING does arrive, if you know what I mean.

Won’t be long,

      The Universe

Funny how my daily Notes from the Universe sometimes coincide with exactly what I need to hear.

Office Blues

It’s 9:30 AM.  I have 7 1/2 hours left of the work day.  I have absolutely nothing to do.

It’s highly possible that by the end of the day all my hair will have been pulled out or I will have jumped out of a window.  I will have read the news from every major U.S. news website.  I will have the statuses of my Facebook friends memorized.  I will have checked Twitter on my Blackberry at least 30 times and will know exactly what every major Twitter celebrity is up to out in Hollywood.  I will have thoroughly annoyed my friends via text, because they actually have lives or jobs that keep them occupied, and I can’t keep myself from texting them every couple of hours to alert, “I’M BORED!”

Why do I stay here, you ask?  Here’s a rundown of the reasons:

1. I adore the people I work for.  They are the most genuine, nice, caring folks and they make me feel like I am an integral part of their company.

2. Finding a new job isn’t easy, to say the least.  I exhausted myself with the job search for almost a year, and I’m not quite ready to fall back into the abyss of endless cover letters and selling my soul to an employer who won’t give me a second glance.

3. I get health benefits, 3 weeks vacation a year, as many sick days as needed, a Christmas bonus and I’ve only worked here since April.  Oh, and I only work 35 hours a week.  Not many companies give entry level employees such luxuries.

4. I enjoy the work that I do, when I have it to do.  It just comes far and few between.

Are all of those reasons worth the tears of boredom that run down my face every day?  I could never work for nicer people, nor have the benefits and flexible schedule that I have now.  But I’m not intellectually pushed enough, nor creatively stimulated.  I need a position that allows my creativity and passion to run rampant.  I need to be challenged; a position that makes me accomplish things that I didn’t know I could do.

I’m pretty stagnant and comfortable here.  I’m scared that might be one of the biggest reasons I’m choosing to stay.

I’m scared to push myself.  I’m not willing to give up the flexibility of this position in order to work somewhere that may be a little more rigid, but will challenge me more in the end.

So until I get the courage to dive back into the job search, I’ll be here.  Or on Facebook, or Twitter, or CNN.  Or splattered on the ground outside the window.  Grrrr.

Never Too Old for Butterflies

“But that’s just it, the butterflies never seem to accompany the right people. All the nice guys who are right for you, they never make your stomach go flip flop.” -Dawson’s Creek

Okay, I know I’m 23 years old and quoting Dawson’s Creek, but it doesn’t get more true than that.  I’ve been on a couple dates in the past couple months, and while the guys were nice enough, they just didn’t do it for me.  They did everything right.  They were smart, friendly, seemed into me.  But when I kissed them, I felt nothing.  I was bored and I found myself wondering what I was missing on TV.  I didn’t want to rip their clothes off, and the feelings going on in my stomach felt nothin’ like butterflies.

Example #1:  Let’s call him Scott.  He was totally into me, he was older, had a great job, made good money, cute enough, drove a big truck.  He said all the right things.  He made me laugh.  He even called when he said he would.  So how come when I kissed him, I felt nothing except for the desire to push him away?

Just because a guy is right on paper, doesn’t mean that you will have the right chemistry.  Two people have to click.  There has to be that inexplicable spark, no matter how wonderful the guy may seem.

When I couldn’t make myself like this guy, I turned to my sister, three years older than me, for advice.  I asked her why I wasn’t feeling butterflies, why I wasn’t excited when he called.

“Maybe you’re too old for butterflies,” she told me.

Really?  I don’t think anybody should ever be too old for butterflies.  It’s the best part of a relationship, when everything is brand new and exciting, when you still won’t let him see you without makeup and your stomach flip flops when you see his name on your caller ID.  My hope for the world is that 40-something divorcees still feel butterflies with their first new relationship after a 20 year marriage.  If there’s no butterflies, what’s the point?  I thought that was the point.  I refuse to believe that butterflies are something we outgrow.

So in the meantime, while I’m waiting to find that pack of butterflies that seems to have flown far, far away, I will maintain hope.  He’s out there somewhere, and he’s waiting to give me butterflies too.  I will continue to date, learning more from each new man I meet what it is that will make me go weak in the knees.  I’ll know it when I find it.  Trust me.

A Lil BUMP for your Slump – iPod Wednesday

Oh no, not again… it’s hump day and you’ve got a case of the mid-week slumps. We know the feeling… Friday seems so far away yet it feels like it was ages ago that you woke up Monday morning! We’re here to provide you with a little bump to get through your mid-week slump. So crank up your stereo on your lunch break and take a moment to breathe. Why wish your life away and yearn for Friday when you can relax and enjoy this moment? Here’s what’s playing on my iPod. Enjoy!

Let Me Sign – Robert Pattinson

Perfectly Lonely – John Mayer

Lost – Anouk

Round Here (Piano) – Counting Crows

To Be With You – Mr. Big

Your Love – The Outfield

Wave on Wave – Pat Green

Alabama (Maybe I Miss Your Body) – Cross Canadian Ragweed

The General – Dispatch

Morning Light – Graham Colton Band

Either Way – Guster

Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley

Nightswimming – R.E.M.

The Heart of the Matter (Live) – Don Henley

Carolina – Eric Church