Unfair

There are the days we get out of bed, ready to face to world and embrace whatever comes our way .  No one can predict whatever the new day may bring us.  It’s exhilarating and enthralling but at the same time, kind of frightening.  You never know if you walk into work and get that raise that you’ve been anticipating for the last 6 months.  Or perhaps you receive a call from an old friend that you haven’t talked to in a decade.  Or maybe you will randomly find $50 in the pocket of one of your old pair of jeans you hadn’t worn in over a year.  The possibilities are endless.

But what happens when something terrible occurs?  It’s inevitable.  The pleasant things in life are limited.  Eventually, something that’s not so wonderful will happen – it’s part of life. But what if it’s something that you least expect?  After all, this world is full of surprises, right?  But surprises are not always sunshine and rainbows.  My dear friend and roommate came home last Thursday night with terrible news that really rocked her to the core.  She found out that her young, 26-year-old cousin had cancer.  When I saw her blood-shot eyes and tear drops on her long lashes, I knew something was immediately wrong.  I hugged her after she told me the heart wrenching news.  She curled up in my arms and just cried.  I haven’t seen her cry like that in some time.  Her cousin is beautiful, driven, intelligent and has a successful career.  She had everything in the world at her fingertips and now has to deal with something that people dread and fear having to ever go through.

All that my friend could repeat was “It’s unfair.  Why should any 26-year-old or any person for that matter have to go through such a horrible thing in life?”  It’s something that happens to people every day.  But it really hits home when it’s someone you are close to and love dearly.  She asked me how there could be a God if this kind of thing happens to such a good soul?  As I listened to her intently, it took me back to when I lost faith.

When I was 16-years-old and in high school, one of my closest friends was killed in a horrific car accident.  She was a passenger in the back of an SUV.  She had it all.  She was a beautiful girl with long, blonde hair, a stunning smile, intelligent, on the lacrosse team at her high school, an endless amount of friends and an incredibly close, tight-knit family that loved her dearly.  She grew up with all of the wonderful privileges in life.  A large, magnificent home, a doctor as a father, a nurse as a mother and a sister who attended one of the most prestigious colleges in the state.  The girl who was driving the car was wreck less and driving too fast that night in April.  She hit a tree and my friend and a young peer who also attended their high school were flung from the back window.  They both died instantly.

When I was notified about the accident, I was on Spring Break.  My friend was supposed to meet me down at the beach only a few days after this took place and until I received the phone call, I thought the plans were still on.  My phone rang and a terrified and very saddened voice from a mutual family friend was on the other line.  I remember everything.  I was lying on the beach with the sun in my face and enjoying the sand in my toes.  When she broke the news to me, I literally dropped my phone out of my hand and it hit my towel on the beach.  My entire world went black at that very moment.  I was in an absolute state of shock – there is no other way to describe the overflowing emotions that completely took over my body.  All of a sudden, my world came crashing down.

I left the beach the next day to ensure I was back in time to attend her funeral.  I attended at 16-year-old’s funeral.  That should never be.  Nor should you ever be a parent and be at your own child’s funeral.  I lost faith in God that day.  I lost faith in a lot of things.  How could this happen to someone who was such a good person?  She was really an incredible young woman who had no enemies, not one single foe.  She was loved by the masses.  She would have given her life for another.  She was truly one-of-a-kind and no one could hold a candle to her.  I took it so rough that I saw a grief counselor for many months following the accident.  It has now been almost 8 years, I am still not over it.

The one thing that I learned through this life-changing experience is that it’s important to live your life and not just for yourself, but for the person who can’t. Be grateful for what is around you and that you wake up every morning and can take a breath.  I learned to still believe, even when it was almost impossible to.  If you don’t believe in something, what is there to really live for?

It’s very difficult to be a part of this world when unfair things happen every day to such wonderful people who never deserve it.  To actually see the things that some struggle with and the pain and strife that follow.  It’s hard to believe in miracles when they are not occurring around you.  Whether someone passes or someone gets sick, as hard as it can be, you have to try to turn to your family, God and whatever it is that you believe in and keep the faith, even when life is unfair.